Start with safety

Avoid ambushes and give context and choice. Why? It disarms tension and invites openness

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✅ Try: “Hey [name], I’d love to share some feedback about [X]. When’s a good time to chat?”

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❌ Don’t: Drop it mid-meeting or say “Can I grab you for a quick word?” with no context. That triggers defensiveness.

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Say it clearly

Skip the sugar-coating and jargon. Be direct and specific. it should feel awkward because you are choosing clarity over comfort.

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✅ Do: “Last week, a few deadlines were missed. That put pressure on the design team. Let’s tighten our communication next time.”

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❌ Don’t: “It’s not a big deal, but there were some issues a while back with a report or something.”

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Disarm defensiveness

Lead with curiosity (use how/what type of questions), not criticism (avoid “why” or statements)

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✅ Use:

• “Tell me more about …”
• “What’s your perspective?”
• “I’ve noticed [X]. Are we okay?”
• “What support do you need from me?”
• “I looks like you’re frustrated… / holding back what you really think” </aside>

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❌ Don’t: Start with accusations like “You always…” or “You never…”. Those statements instantly raise walls.

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Mind your body language

Body language speaks louder than your words! Crossed arms and hostile body language will mute any words that you say.

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✅ Do:

• Uncross arms
• Relax jaw and expression
• Maintain eye contact
• Breathe deeply </aside>

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❌ Don’t:

• Eye-roll
• check your phone
• Stare them down.
• Closed posture = closed conversation. </aside>

Listen to understand

Feedback isn’t a monologue. It’s a dialogue.

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✅ Do: “Thanks for sharing that – help me understand what was happening for you.”

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❌ Don’t: Interrupt to defend your point or rush to solutions. Silence is useful – stay present.

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Use the SIA framework

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✅ A simple structure for clarity and impact.

• S - Situation: What happened?
• I - Impact: Why it matters (to you, others, the team)?
• A - Action: What needs to change or continue?

Example: “In yesterday’s meeting (S), you spoke over Jane a few times (I). Let’s focus on giving each other space to finish speaking (A).”

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❌ Don’t: > “You need to stop being rude.” – too general, too charged, no path forward.

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A couple reminders

Constructive feedback = courage + kindness.

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✅ Do: Choose clarity over comfort.

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❌ Don’t: Let fear of conflict silence you – silence breeds resentment.

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